Low Libido In Women & The Main Causes Behind It
Libido or sex drive (aka interest in sexual activity) varies from person to person. Low libido is the most common sexual problem experienced by women. As a matter of fact, as a woman, you will experience low sexual desire at some point in your life. It is totally normal for your libido to fluctuate throughout the various stages of your life and change depending on circumstances such as pregnancy, illness, menopause, marital problems, etc.
If you're in a relationship, you'll notice that either you or your partner has a higher sex drive or more libido. Of course, this doesn't mean that either one of you is necessarily outside the norm. Nonetheless, you may notice your mind wondering:
Where has my libido gone?
Why am I never in the mood anymore?
Why am I struggling to enjoy sex lately?
Is my low libido (or my partner's) a reflection of the quality of our relationship?
In her book 'Where Did My Libido go?' Sex Therapist Dr. Rosie King highlights that differing sex drives/ libidos can lead couples down a path paved with frustration, resentment, and despair. The good news is, if you are interested in connecting to your sexuality and pleasure, there is a way through this. To get to the cure, you must first identify what's causing the problem.
Almost anything and everything can have an impact on your libido. Still, I do believe that the following five main factors have the most significant influence on your libido:
Your Health
Your physical health plays a significant role in your libido. The healthier you are physically, the more likely you are to have an increased sex drive. Illness in general, as well as medical conditions such as vaginismus, endometriosis, STI's, etc. are likely to dampen your libido. Hence, getting the proper treatment is essential. Also, here's a list of lifestyle factors that influence your libido:
Diet
Exercise
Consumption of Alcohol and Drugs
Quality of sleep
Smoking
Stress management
Other physical factors that may be behind low libido include your hormones, blood health, and medications you're currently taking (including birth control). Make sure to speak to your doctor and schedule checkups as needed.
Health is not just limited to the body; it is a state of physical, mental, and social well-being. One aspect that is often missed is to how important it is to consider how you view yourself, as your body image can significantly impact your libido. Sadly, we live in a world where individuals, primarily women, are expected to abide by specific beauty standards that leave many with a complicated relationship with their bodies. For example, suppose you feel that your body is unattractive. In that case, you are more likely to experience less sexual satisfaction or avoid sexual activity altogether. For women, having a positive body image is linked to higher libido and sexual pleasure.
Stress
Unmanaged stress can have a tremendous negative impact on your mental health. No matter how high a person's sex drive is naturally, stress can easily and quickly dimmish it. So, let's get into the science behind it. When you encounter stress, your body experiences several changes, such as increased heart rate, blood pressure, and breathing rate, getting you ready for a fight or flight response. While doing that, the body preserves all the energy required by diminishing non-essential functions such as your sex drive. If you look at it from an evolutionary perspective, when your ancestors were running away from a bear, the last thing the body wanted to spend any energy on was their sex drive! And although you are not running away from a bear today, your body still responds to stress the way it's designed to, regardless of the trigger, which could be a work deadline!
The way our societies operate makes this more of an issue for women especially. This is because we have been socialized in gender specific roles, where we're taught to put other's needs first and ignore our own. And for many women, juggling a career, childcare and housework is part of everyday life. This lifestyle leads to stress, and with stress present there's little room for desire.
Sociocultural influences
Society, both the people around you and the culture you live in, can have a massive impact on your libido. What you learned about sex from your family or culture growing up greatly influences your sexual experiences as an adult. For example, suppose you were raised to believe that sex is taboo or 'dirty'. In that case, the idea of experiencing pleasure with your body may trigger feelings of shame and guilt, causing you to feel down when you engage in sexual activity.
Another way society impacts your libido is through its shaming of certain types of bodies and sexual practices, especially those that deviate from what is considered "normal." For example, suppose you were raised in a culture with specific standards of what a 'sexy' woman should look like. In that case, this may impact how you view yourself as a sexual being and whether or not you feel comfortable expressing yourself sexually—killing your sexual desire!
Or suppose you learned that women are just not that sexual. In that case, you may struggle with being sexual as a part of you believes (possibly at a subconscious level) that you are 'slutty’ for wanting or enjoying sex.
Such feelings of shame that you may have inherited from you family and/or culture can have a profound impact on your libido.
Pleasure: Knowledge and Experience
If your experience with sex has not been pleasurable, you're more likely not to desire it. Of course, for some, sex is not pleasurable due to past unresolved sexual traumas, untreated medical conditions, excessive shame and guilt etc. But for many, it's simply not having access to pleasure-focused sex education, especially regarding women and their bodies.
Sadly, it's not just the lack of pleasure-focused sex ed that contributes to this problem, but common misconceptions around sex. For instance, one common belief is that penetration is the best type of sex for men and women when the reality is less than 20% of women can orgasm from penetration alone. Another common misconception is that your desire for sex should be spontaneous, as in you should be in the mood for sex before starting any sexual activity. Whereas most people in long-term relationships experience a responsive desire, where sexual play needs to start before you can get aroused.
Debunking myths around sex and having a better understanding of your body and how it's wired for pleasure will not only improve your sexual experiences and libido, but it will also improve your overall health and wellness.
Libido is a funny thing. It ebbs and flows and can change from day to day. And it's not just your mental state that affects it; your physical health, stress levels, and relationships all play a part in how much (or little) you want to have sex. Rest assured, a lot can be done to increase your libido if that's what you want. It all starts with knowing that you are worthy and deserving of pleasure.
